Ok, here's my first attempt at a mini video blog. Here goes the experiment!
11-03-08 I found this video and just had to share it....
10-29-08
And now for the next movie in the "Ten Movies That Scared The Holy Crap Out Of Me" list! This one is a definite classic. I'm not that much of a movie snob to say "If you don't like this, you're a moron", but if you don't like this... Well... You're a damn moron! This entry is the Stanley Kubrick classic...
Jack Nicholson has never been creepier, to my knowledge. If you don't know the plot, here goes Farley's quick capsule review: a writer agrees to be the caretaker of a possessed hotel for the winter and his wife and young telepathic son join him. The chef at the Overlook Hotel, played by the great Scatman Crothers, has the same ability. As the movie goes on, Jack is increasingly feeling isolated and the hotel's demons begin to possess him as well.
Tell me that face don't give you chills and I'll call you a LIAR! Now, Danny, the son with the gift of "the shining" sees the gosts in the hotel as well. This is mainly shown in the movie as a former caretaker's daughters. This former caretake, Delbert Grady, went nuts when he was caretaker and hacked up his wife and daughters with an axe, stacked them neatly in the basement and the blew his brains out. Here's some of the daughters
Come and play with us, Danny. Forever...
And ever
And ever! I won't tell the rest of the plot in case you haven't seen it (COMMIE!), but I will tell you this- the soundtrack of this movie is possibly the creepiest thing about it. Yes, even more so than ol' Jack! Tell you what, just watch the opening credits and try to tell me that music doesn't make you feel some other-worldly presence in your room. More movies to come as we keep the list going so stay tuned! I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
10-29-08
Now it's finally time to start this scary movie list, or as I have been referring to it: "Ten Movies That Scared The Holy Crap Out of Me". Our First movie on the list, which, as I've said, is in no particular order, is...
This movie is creepy as hell! It's a team of scientists and pilots stationed at the South Pole when they come in contact with what appears to be a dog... But I think you already realize this is not a tale of man and his best friend being cuddly. No the dog is an alien that crashed to Earth thousands of years ago and it can copy any lifeform and take it over as an exact replica. Of course, this leads to every man suspecting every other man of being the murderous alien, so tons of tension and mistrust throughout. But the really scary thing about this flick are the creature effects. Stuff like this...
AND THIS...
Yeah, and the thing with that one is that
This guy was "having a heart attack" as far as the crew knew. So, the doctor gets out his paddles and yells "CLEAR!" Hits him once, then goes for a second, and THE GUYS' CHEST OPENS UP LIKE A SET OF JAWS AND BITES HIS FRIGGIN ARMS OFF! Then, as if that weren't enough, the guys head leaves his body and becomes That spoider head looking thing above! This movie is just plain awesome, but if you have a weak stomach, I'd advise you to not eat anything before viewing this particular movie. Oh,
It also stars a boozy, bearded Kurt Russell as the "hero that doesn't want to be one" MacCready.
More movies to come on the list in the couple of days so until next time
KISSES! I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
Ok, I know a low of people do "Top 10" lists of movies, but I want to do that without the rankings. The rankings are what seem to get everyone all up in arms and bitchy! So, starting Thursday, I'll be giving you my list. I call it "Ten Movies That Scared The Holy Hell Out of Me". I LOVE scary movies, so it's tough to narrow it down to ten, and then to rank them? It just seems a waste of energy! There's no scientific equation to determine this stuff, and if there is, I don't want any part of it! All ten movies will be ones that I love, and the only qualification is that they have to be horror movies. Anything by the Olsen twins, while disturbing, does not count as a horror movie, ok? Just keep that in mind as the list goes on, and if you think my list if a crock, then that's when you're free to make your very own list for people to squabble over. I'm off for now. Time to hit the showers, I might even use soap this time. Alert the news media!
10-20-08
So, the video blog is not going as planned. See my "new" digital camera is Fatguy's old camera, and I can record stuff on it, but I have no way to get it from the camera to the computer, and that's kinda crucial when attempting something like this. I can't even get just the pictures off of the camera! Anyway, not a whole bunch to report. Actually, if you're reading this and you've got tips on housebreaking a puppy, that'd be super-di-duper! Amber and I have a pupp named Biscuit (I'd put a pic right about here, but, as you, read above, I can't do that yet). We're trying to get her housebroken so she can let us know when she needs to get out to do tha bizness so she doesn't do it in the house. Right now she's having to stay the night in the garage, and I don't want her out there if it starts getting reallycold outside. So, help me out with any housebreaking a puppy tips you have and I'll be most grateful. That's all for now, I'm heading for the showers and I might even use soap! Alert the news media!
10-14-08
I know I haven't updated this in a while, but I'm back with a couple of quick hits for you. Fistly, I'll start doing a vlog (video blog for all y'all like me who aren't the least bit tech savvy) soon. Secondly, this is my girlfriend's dog, Louka (pronounced loo-ka).
Louka is the sweetest dog I think I've ever been around, but the other night I could've strangled him with my bare hands! I was taking our puppy, Biscuit, out to do her business when Louka decided it was time to make a break for it! I don't have a picture of this, since I was out of breath and just trying to keep in in eyesight! He was mean! He'd RUN for about two blocks and just wait for me to catch up! Then, as I got close and called to him, he'd take off AGAIN! This went on for about a mile and a half until I lost track of him completely and went home to call Amber and let my girlfriend know her dog had escaped on my watch. Good times! So, about a half hour later, Amber gets home from work and I'm giving Biscuit a bath. Who comes trotting in with her? LOUKA! Luckily we live in Tuscumbia and there aren't any cars out on a weeknight at midnight, otherwise I would've been even more worried. My legs were killing me the next day, so I've decided I HAVE to get back to working out! So, yes, I was pissed at Louka, but he taught "Daddy" a lesson, so we'll see how the working out goes. That'll do it for this blog, hopefully there will be video blog goodness coming soon! I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
9-30-08
First of all, I need to get this out of the way...
YES! That first alf against Georgia was the best played half of football I've seen in a long, long time. Not so much a fan of the second half, where we got outscored 30-10. My only fear is the team either a- losing focus or b- believing the hype too much for their own good. Thee are no more gimme games in the SEC, just ask South Carolina (beat by Vanderbilt) and Florida (taken down by Ole Miss). Don't get me wrong, most of me is incredibly optimistic about what we could accomplish this season, but I temper that with the fact that, over the years, I've witnessed us choking more times than I'd care to.
Now, onto some different anxiety I'm dealing with. On Wednesday, I've got my first exam in Mass Communication Theory. I like the professor, I like the class, but when a teacher lets you know that the grades on the first exam are typically really LOW, I tend to get a touch nervous! She's having a study group, which would be helpful most definitely, but she's holding it at NIGHT! That's when I'm here in the studio doin' the Dumb, Fun Show!
SWEET DREAMS are surely in store for me the next couple of nights! Well, brothers and sisters, I'm off for the tub, alert CNN!
9-25-08
I know it's been forever since I update my blog, and I know you must have been worried SICK about the ol' Bear, right? Anyway, here's what's been going on. I have a serious phobia about going to the dentist, usually because I only go when some thing hurts, like this time. I know I know, bad Farley! Anyway, it's not so much the dentist I'm scared of as it's those barbaric looking tools!
And it's not as though you can dress them up and make them any less threatening! You can't make one into a puppet and call it "Hammy, the friendlyiron hook to scrape against your teeth"! Well, you could, but you'd be a crappy dentist if that was your route to win people over! Anyway, they had to pull a tooth, and, after two long long days of nothing but chicken soup and yogurt, I'm starting to feel better. A touch loopy from the pain medication, which is why I won't be on the air live until TOMORROW night! Good thinking, right? I'm a genius. I'm off for the tub! Alert Ted Koppel!
9-17-08
We went out last night and broadcasted live at the North Alabama State Fair in Muscle Shoals.
It was a great time! Rides, food, and all sorts of animals. Even lions and tigers and bears!
The only negative about it is that MY FEET ARE KILLING ME! Of course, we'll be out there broadcasting live again tomorrow night, so make sure you come out and have some freakin' FUN at the North Alabama State Fair! That's going to do it for now, I'm off for the tub, alert ted Koppel!
9-16-08
I am really nervous about this weekend. Yes, I'll go ahead and let you know right now that I'm talking about the all important
COLLEGE FOOTBALL! Or, to be a touch more specific BAMA FOOTBALL, BABY!!! I'm really anxious about the game. The kicker is, I KNOW we can and should win the game, but which team is going to show up in Fayetteville, Arkansas this Saturday? The one that stomped twin mudholes in Clemson, or the one who looked like a deer in the headlights against TULANE? On top of this football anxiety, Amber and I are still trying to figure out whicdh puppy we want. Might need y'all's help here soon to help us out! Well, it's a short and sweet blog today, and I'm of for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
9-15-08
I know, I know, I haven't updated in a whole week! I'm sure you've been hitting your refresh button like mad to see what the ol' Bear is going to write next. Well, wait no more, baby! Seriously, I do apologize for being such a world class I so need that shirt. Well, the dinner where Amber's parents and my parents met went pretty well, if you factor out the embarrassing tales told by both sets of parents..lol.. What I want to talk to you about now is... PUPPIES!
Not those puppies specifically, but I just want to give a visual aid to get you in that "awwwww" state of mind. Here's the deal: I AM A SUCKER! Amber and I were supposed to have a little getaway this weekend, but the gas situation kept that from happening. Amber was seriously bummed out, especially since who knows when she'll get another weekend off? So, she called me and said "Baby, you know what would make me feel better?"
I knew right then I was screwed. As it turns out, her cousin found a litter of abandoned puppies. So, being the full fledged sucker that I am, I went with her to Rogersville to try and pick one out. It's impossible! There were six puppies and all of them were freakin' adorable! So, here's what I have decided to do. Hee in the next week or so, we'll narrow it down to two puppies, then we'll post pics of them here on the website, and we're going to let YOU PICK WHAT PUPPY WE KEEP! So keep checking back here on the site to see the cute widdle puppies and vote for which one you think Amber and I should keep! That's going to do it for the blog for now. I promise I won't go another full week without updating, even though it goes against my slacker creed! I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
9-8-08
M... I'm doing my best not to freak out... On Thursday night, my girlfriend's parents and my parents are going to meet for the firt time. Normally, I ouldn't sweat this, but we've been together for six months now, and this is a pretty big deal as far as the long term goes. I'm going to do my best not to lose my cool, but I feel like
THIS is what's going to show on my face! It's not so much that I think our parents won't get along, I'm sure they will. But I'm kinda concerned that ol' Mom and Dad are going to pull some choice embarrassing moments from my life to toss out to the prospective in-laws. Maybe someone can save me if things go awry...
Nah, I don't think it'll get so bad that I need the Man of Steel to bail me out, but who else could save me?
Coach Saban? Nah, I'm sure, after that crappy Tulane game, he's especially busy lighting fires under players asses, so that's out. Who else?
AQUAMAN? Are you kidding? Look, I'm not knocking Aquaman, especially as bad ass as he looks in that picture, but c'mon! We're not eating underwater, so how could he possibly help? Wait! I've got it!
JACK BLACK! Of course! I'll just let him loose to distract the parents enough to save my butt! Plus, I think he's funny as hell! Tune into the show Thursday and I'll be calling in from the bathroom to let y'all know how it's going! That's it for now. I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
9-3-08
My, what a weekend! I know it's been quite a while, and this'll be fairly wuick, but, for you Bama fans out there, I simply must say...
HELL YEAH!!!! We stomped Clemson into the ground 34-10! I only hope we can stay healthy and keep playing like we did Saturday night! Yeah, I'm one of those guys who says "we" when referring to my team... Even though I have never once played for them nor attended the school! Just deal with it and let's move on. The week before the game I was watching ESPN and they were talking about the game, and I became enraged when THIS
DOUCHEBAG is chiming in with his take on the Bama Clemson matchup! Recognize this jackass? Yeah, Dennis Franchione, Mr. "I'll be here at Alabama through the probation... What? Texas A&M is on line 2? Sorry, I must be going!". The sheer BALLS on this guy to even speak the name of the Crimson Tide after the ream job he gave us just irks the hell out of me! My only comfort? He bolted to A&M, where he was going to bring them back to national prominence... Yeah, not so much, as it turns out. He's now not coaching anywhere so he's stuffing his puffy face into MY screen to talk about MY team? Thanks, but no thank,s Dennis! That's all for now. I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
8-26-08
My brain is not functioning properly today for some reason! I don't kno what the deal is!
What's troubling you, brain? Ooohh, look!! You're all KINDS or pretty colors. My brain is the purtiest brain in the whole wide world! Ok, so it's grey and that's just a picture of a brain, but let's move on. But on to what? I can't think of anything particularly clever right now, and the freakin' pressure is ON! You know what? I've got enough pressure on my plate right now between my classes, work, and trying to stick to a budget. So there. I said it and I feel better. This one is going to be short and sweet, because I'm off to the tub! Alert ted Koppel!
8-22-08
I 'm starting to wonder how I'm going to make it through this semester! For those of you who don't know, I am, in fact, a student at UNA.
Their mascot, I've been told, is a lion or something. So, I'm taking five classes on top of the fifty or so hours I spend here at work! This being the case, I will not be able to engage in one of my favorite pasttimes
Yes, PROCRASTINATION! So that's out for the time being as well as for the foreseeable future! Now, my one gripe about the University of North Alabama is... If you're a student I'm sure you're already screaming
PARKING!!! I have to leave my house an entire FORTY FIVE MINUTES EARLY just to find a damn space! My only solution? Well, those who live on campus and decide to drive their cars to class? All of them get knee capped and forced to watch a season of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic on a loop until their eyes explode and their innards catch fire and incinerate them from the inside out!
Yeah, tell me THAT wouldn't do it! Too strict? Let me know! That's all for now, people, I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
8-21-08
I already wrote of my lack of enthusiasm for the olympics, but what gets me now is the fact that
Football has been absolutely RULING my thoughts! Notice that the pictured football is an NCAA! Not that I don't like the NFL, I just like the college game better... MUCH better! The thing I always find amusing about the American football and the rest of the world's football. You know, that strange game we refer to as soccer!
Now, I played soccer when I was a kid, but it's difficult for me to watch a full game anymore! It's been so long, I've forgotten most of the rules and stuff, so I just wind up getting a tad confused. What's funny to me is the fact that the game we call football doesn't really make sense! In our game you're usually using your hands! Disagree? I'll show you...
We use hands on the ball on run plays...
Catching the ball on pass plays...
snapping the ball to the quarterback
and, of course, throwing passes! The only time we kick the ball in our version of football is punts, field goals, and kick offs. So, I'd say we use our hands in the game far more than our feet, so why'd we call it football? Noodle THAT one! I'm off for the tub Alert Ted Koppel!
8-13-08
I used to get so pumped for the Olympics. There was a time when my enthusiasm for the games knew very few, if any, bounds. I'd run around the house hollering "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" every time we won gold in an event, no matter how obscure. If there was an underwater basketweaving event, it would get the same treatment as any other from me. Ah, youthful enthusiasm...
So what happened? I used to get so excited when I saw this...
Now I just feel a bit indifferent. I remember watching these guys winning gold for the ol' U.S. of A.
Carl Lewis
Edwin Moses
Florence Griffith Joyner (Flo Jo)
Jackie Joyner Kersee, and last but not least, the man who ruled the diving competition...
I don't know, maybe I just notice this more now that I'm older, but why does every event need some detail to pull at the heartstrings? Isn't the fierceness of the competition enough without all that sappiness? Someone always has a family member who died tragically, or they had to overcome some sort of childhood affliction, or some such stuff. It just grows a bit stale to me after hearing the same stuff time after time! That'll do it for my "Olympics" blog. I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
8-06-08
I... I wish I had something interesting to write here... This is the worst case of writer's block I have ever experienced! I try to think of something compelling, maybe even provocative, to write about, but all that's in my head is...
Yeah, that's it! A bright, shining neon nothing! I venture deep into my own mind and I look for some image to spark my creativity, but all I find is
Jack-crap NOTHING! Not the slightest image or idea of interest... Well, aside from my pay-per-view idea involving a "no one gets out alive" cage match featuring
Kim "Da Booty" Kardashian...
Paris "Please don't notice my lazy eye" Hilton
Britney "I'm learning how to wear underwear! Yay!" Spears and, to top it all off like a cherry on a sundae...
Verne "Don't call me Mini-Me!" Troyer! C'mon, are you kidding? This cage match needs to happen, people! We'll be done with all three of these characters in one shot! Where's the downside? The papparazzi will find some other talentless hacks to follow around, so who loses? Personally, I give Brit the edge in this match because she's got that "Grade A Louisiana Crazy"! All I want is my cut of the pay-per-view cash, ok? That's all I'm asking. Hey, I AM the one who came up with the idea, so I want my cut! That'll do it for the blog today. I'm of for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
8-05-08
I am getting really frustrated, and I'm even more frustrated by that which frustrates me in the first place! Confused? Sorry, allow me to enlighten you as to this predicament. I play ALOT of NCAA 2008 football on my PS2.
Yes, my precious, yesss.... Anyway, here's the dilemma. Whil playing a season in Dynasty Mode, they give you a certain number of what they call "discipline points". That's all well and good, but my last recruiting class must've studied how to be a college athlete from Florida State and the Criminoles, because by the middle of the season, I was out of them! Now, how in the bloody hell amd I supposed to suspend someone when the damned computer won't let me? Now, the icing on the cake is the fact that, after winning a national championship, I just found out that the computer has put my team on PROBATION! So I ask this of you, seemingly innocuous and harmless EA Sports...
You have brought me countless hours of enjoyable, fun, gameplay, but this porbation? It's warrantless, to say the least, so just... Well... Stop hatin'! That's it for this blog, I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
8-01-08 Mike Myers...**Sigh**
What heppened, Mike? You were so damned funny once upon a time, and I looked forward to the release of your movies, from my hazy high school favorite, Wayne's World
Hell, I even liked the sequel to that one! Then there was the Greatness of the James Bond Spoof Austin Powers
The first two ere pretty damned funny, but the third was lacking a good bit of funny, and now there's talk of a FOURTH installment? What's wrong, Mike? Out of ideas? Afraid of branching out? Now we get to Shrek...
I loved Shrek, and I dug the sequel. I haven't seen the third one yet, and they're, again, talking about making yet another one! Personally, one of favorite, if not THE favorite, Mike Myer's movie is a little known number called "So I Married an Axe Murderer".
Yet, as I write this, I feel a fear welling up within myself. It's a thought that maybe ol' Mike is just plain OUT of funny! I don't want to believe that's true, but the evidence speaks for itself, does it not? Look closely...
Funny Mike...
UNFUNNY Mike. Will we ever hear from funny Mike Myers? Is he lost to us forever? Only the future will tell us for sure. So let's just keep our fingers crossed, shall we? That'll do it for this blog, so I'm off for the tub, alert Ted Koppel!
7-31-08 I've had a bit of trouble sleeping lately, not sure why. I mean, I AM tired, sleep just doesn't seem to come! It has nothing to do with lighting, but I'm thinking I might need to invest in one of these numbers here...
I mean the bld fold thingymabob, not the girl! I hate warm milk, so I'm not doing that... Maybe this...
I know I've been told that there's a chemical in turkey that makes you sleepy, I know it knocks my Dad out every Thanksgiving! Or, maybe I should get off my lazy butt and, GASP...
EXERCISE!!! NOOOOOO!!!! Actually, I don't mind exercising, but the heat lately has been freakin' SWELTERING! Seriously, I've seen this cat jabbing people in the ass with his trusty pitchfork!
Hell, maybe I'll even try counting sheep! I'm not that desperate yet, but time and lack of sleepage will tell for sure. That's all for now, brothers and sisters, I'm of for the tub! Alert ted Koppel!
7-30-08
After seeing "The Dark Knight", I'm not sure what movie I'm looking forward to seeing now. After all that buildup, and now it's done. There are a couple of moviues that peak my interest. One of them being the movie "W.", which was directed by one of my all time favorite lunatics/directors
Olver Stone. Here's the thing, and I outright refuse to get into politics on my blog, but Oliver Stone is so whacked out, he always produces a movie worth talking about, for one reason or another. He loves to toss rocks at the hornet's nest and sit back and watch the aftermath. But, let's talk about August. There are a couple of movies I'm wanting to see, though I'm not 100% on one of them (I may have to eat those words if it turns out to be great..lol) The first stars Seth Rogen and James Franco in...
It just looks downright crazy and wicked funny. Then, there's the one I'm not 100% on, but I'll probably still go see...
I love the cast, I just hope things don't go horribly wrong with the latest Ben Stiller vehicle. But the rest of the cast is top notch with Robert Downey, Jr. and Jack Black and even Nick Nolte! Like I said, if it turns out to be awesome, I'll have to eat my hesitant words. That's it for the blog right now. I'm off for the tub! Alert ted Koppel!
7-29-08 Some of y'all have e-mailed, wondering why there were no pics of me on the site. Well, things get busy sometimes, you know? What can I say?..lol.. Well, here's a couple pics for those who might think I must look like this...
Ok, here's a few glimpses of the ever elusive Farley breed of Bear...
That's me with the "I'm REALLY selling this karaoke" face...lol..
And that's me at the Grand Opening/Closing of the Stephen Colbert Museum with... Well... A cardboard version of the man himself. Come back to us Stephen! Colbert County NEEDS you! And then there's this disturbing image...
That's the Easter Bunny acting all chummy with me, but I see through that shimmering facade! That bastard has been stalking me for years, always smart enough to get close to me in public to avoid retribution for his harassment of me over the years! One day, Bunny, I'll make you PAY! They'll find you on the roadside with your ears gone and covered in rotten egg yolks, you lunatic! I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED BY THE LIKES OF YOU, EASTER BUNNY! Ok, sorry about the outburst, but that damn bunny checks my blog and I figured he'd get the message through his thick, furry skull..lol... Ok, that's it for today's blog, brothers and sisters! I'm off for the tub! Alert ted Koppel!
7-24-08 L.. I just have to share this because I read an article and it has me a bit puzzled. Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow of the University of Florida (in case you're not a big football fan) has said 'no' to an offer to appear in Playboy Magazine's All American team because of his religious beliefs. Now, here is your disclaimer: I have no issue with tebow's personal beliefs, religious or otherwise. He's a very talented athlete and apparently deeply religious which, again, is not what I'm going to be talking about. Especially when he's been on several mission trips.
My isue is only within myself because I know if I ever got invited to the Playboy mansion, you'd have to call the cops to make me go home. PLAYBOY!
I have been dreaming of the place since I was a kid and found what my brother used to hide beneath his comic books! I have not writen this to make fun of Tim Tebow's beliefs, but more so to ask him a favor: CAN I GO IN YOUR PLACE? PLEASE??? Seriously, Tim, if you're not going, let someone else have the decadent fun that your beliefs don't allow. Then again, Heisman winning QB's end up with ladies like
This! Wait... Is that one o the Bunnies? No? Just some chick from Gainesville? Ok, whatever. But he ends up with that, while I, more than likely would wind up with...
That's right... It's your mom! That'll do it for this blog. I am off for the tub! Alert Ted Koppel!
7-23-08
Lately, I have been craving apple juice. I don't know why, though. Not that I just started liking the stuff, but I've been drinking the hell out of the stuff for the past week!
What is it about apple juice that now has me jonesing for the stuff on a regular business. I mean, ya got
APPLES, obviously, but the other ingredients? I dunno, maybe
Water, I guess. Then probably some preservatives that I cannot pronounce to save my life. Nothing to explain my sudden craving for the stuff. Hhhmmm... What are things that I crave that they might add?
SHRIMP? VERY unlikey, considering that the shrimp taste would defintely not combine with apple for a refreshingly delicious beverage. What else...
Ice Cream?
Again, I don't think so. Though if you did hold this ice cream in front of me, I'd soon emulate this valiant feline
Yeah, instead of "Braaaaains".. It'd be more like, well... "Ice Creeaam". And I doubt that would frighten anyone except the ice cream man! Hell, I don't know what's behind my recent craving for apple juice. And I think I'm fine with that without looking to deep for an answer. The stuff's tasty. Period. End of story. I'm off for the tub! Alert ted Koppel!
7-22-08 Please... You have to make this stop! I... I don't think I can be bombarded by her anymore! Who? Who, you ask? Why, none other than Kim "Check out my butt" Kardashian, that's who! She's EVERYWHERE!
Hello, my name's Kim...
CHECK
OUT
MY FREAKIN' BIG OL'
BUTT! Gaze upon it and be transfixed, yea, HYPNOTIZED by it's out there roundness! Yes, Hollywood, now you'll give me a TV show.. Mwa-hahahaha! Yes, yes! Now, you'll put me on Dancing With the Stars! You know, now that I think about it... Considering thse are just a mere snippet of the plethora of pics you can find online with Kim pushing her bootie in front of a camera. Why? Because it will distract you from the fact that she has no discernible talent! Well, except for just being famous for being rich. Now, don't misunderstand, I do, shamefully, think she's hot. HOWEVER, this does not mean I think she should be on, or for that matter, anywhere NEAR a TV camera!
Now, you want a woman who's got the hawtness and TALENT as well? Here are a few of my own personal favs
Natalie Portman... C'mon, she was even hot when she shaved her head in "V for Vendetta"!
Angelina Jolie(-Pitt)... Once loony toons, now a mother of, what, a dozen children? But still way talented and still way HOT!
Halle Berry... Yeah, she's made a couple of clunkers movie-wise **cough-CATWOMAN-cough**, but she's won an Oscar and obviously has talent as well as beauty. Those are just a couple of off the top of my head examples of women with talent and hotness. And while they easily could, none of them feel compelled to get their buttcheeks in each and every picture taken of them! KIM KARDASHIAN'S BUTT MUST BE STOPPED!! I CALL FOR VIGILANTE JUSTICE! That's all for now. I'm of for the tub! Alert Ted Koppel!
7-16-08 This is a story I found online I just have to share with y'all. This is simply ri-freakin'-diculous!
For anyone over the age of 16 or younger than 3, you may not be aware that the biggest influence on the youth of today are the squeaky-clean Disney-manufactured boy band, the Jonas Brothers. Yes, they’re cute, but why is it that even in the wake of the recent Rachael Ray controversy, Disney is still parading the boys out proudly wearing keffiyehs?
Sure, some conspiracy theorists will no doubt trot out the boys’ Christian upbringing, Disney’s alleged history of anti-semitism, or some sleeper-cell conspiracy from Al Quaeda. But I reject such poppycock. Chances are, the brothers have been too curled up in their Disney incubator to be aware of the cultural insensitivity involved when you wear a keffiyeh in the manner of Hezbollah. Is Kevin Jonas (aka “The Romantic One”) trying to seduce America’s young girls into being the next generation of Hamas sympathizers? Probably not. But why take the chance? (My advice: if you really need to hide a hickey, stick to the Charles Nelson Reilly ascot.)
Honestly, the Jonas brothers recruiting for Al Quaeda? Here's the pic of one of them wearing what they're yapping about. it's a freakin' SCARF, people!
I am well aware of the deathly seriousness of the issue of terrorism in this day and age, but to get all bent out of shape over a SCARF worn by a popular BOY BAND?!?! I think the cat who wrote that drivel I shared above takes things, mostly himself, FAR to seriously, and that can be a dangerous thing, too.I'm off to the tub. Alert ted Koppel!
7-15-08
During the last blog, I was (and still am) very focused on the upcoming college football season. Now, I don't mean to sound as though I don't love the pro game as well, but just not with the same intensity. There have been numerous teams I have rooted for over the years. For example
But that was mainly because of the Man The Myth, The legend
Brett "I'm retired. No, wait, I'll come back. On second thought I'm retired. Hey, I want to come back and play again" Favre.
Before that, there were
The Miami Dolphins, but THAT was only because of a certain cat from Pennsylvania commonly know as
Dan freakin' Marino. To be honest, if the Red Sox were cursed for getting rid of babe Ruth, I always felt that the Dolphins should be cursed for never putting a team around Marino that could've scored him a Super Bowl ring. Other than those two teams, it revolved around several team with starters from University of Alabama. Not that many of those left, unfortunately. But I have, and will, always root for the only two Southern teams that were around when I was a kid. My favorite?
Dem Saints, baby! Always a bit of the "lovable losers" type. I have faith that they'll have a better year this year, but my #2 team will be in the gutter
My poor, pitiful Atlanta Falcons.. DAMN YOU MIKE VICK!! DAMN YOU TO THE BOWELS OF HELL!!!!! Ok, I have vented. I feel better. I'm off for the tub. Alert ted Kopple!
7-14-08 I have been thinking an unhealthy amount about the upcoming college football season. Now, I'll level with you, I am a Bama fan to my very core!
Now, that's not to say I don't have love for the rest of the SEC. In fact, and this might shock you, my best friend is an...
AUBURN FAN! In fact, when we were 13, we agreed that we would each root for the other's team until the Iron Bowl came along. Stunning, I know! Now, there are those Bama fans out there who are aching for an SEC championship. Hell, I am too! However, I want you to be patient! Sure if everything goes our way and we catch each and EVERY single break that comes our way, it could happen. Just be patient. This ain't Mike "I can't believe he was our head coach" DuBose running the show. This is Nick "Hey, I won a national championship at LSU" Saban! This is our guy, and we have to stick by him and wait until those #1 recruiting classes start to produce on the FIELD, not on paper! If we don't give him the time he needs and winds up bolting on us, we are going to be up the creek without a paddle because no one is going to want the job and this man
unfortunately ain't never comin' back. So best of luck to whoever your favorite team is. Unless it's Tennessee. Seriously, they suck!
7-11-08 My girlfriend is going to be in Rogersville for a couple of days helping them out with some sort of home improvement project, which means I'm going to be DOGSITTING!! Her dog, Louka (prounounced loo-ka), has been at my place for a while, but it'll be the first time I've been left to take care of him. Maybe she's testing me, eh?..lol..
That;s not him, but that's what kind of dog he is. A husky. He's a sweet dog, don't misundertand, but... Well... He has no concept of his own size! Honestly, he's a big ol' dog, but he's convinced that he's the size of a Pomeranian.. Here's a visual aid
Yeah, Louka THINKS he's that size, but he will crush your pelvis trying to sit in your lap! Wish me luck brothers and sisters! I'm off to the tub. Alert ted Koppel!
7-10-08 Last night on the show, we talked about phobias. Ya know, that fancified word to describe what scares the holy crap out of you? Well, we had some I expected, such as
SNAKES!!
Ok, that even creeps me out, and snakes aren't that big a deal to me. We also had
SPIDERS!!! EEEKKKK!!!!!
Honestly, just posting that pic made me pee my pants. This is not a joke, I have honest to God soiled myself! We also had a woman with the manly fear of
COMMITMENT!! But the most bizarre ones of all were one person who was afraid of the always terrifying
MUSTARD! Dun Dun DUNNNNN
As well as mustard's always dastardly accomplice
PICKLES, MAN!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR THE HILLS, THE CONDIMENTS ARE ATTACKING!!!
Seriously, thanks to all those who called in. I don't know if it had any cathartic effect for anyone, but if so, BONUS! I swear I don't think I'll ever get that damned spider pic out of my mind. Great. I suppose I'll just have to invest in Depends if I'm going to blog about phobias..lol.. Make sure you tune in tonight to farley's Dumb Fun Show, because there's no telling what we'll talk about tonight!
6-12-08
So... My first blog... What to write? Ok, I'll just rant about the amount of hair that seems to be accumulating in my house. Let's run down how much hair might possibly be drifitng around my domicile. I've got two cats who are shedding profusely now that the weather's hot. Then there's my girlfriend's dog, a Huskie named Luca. I love that dog, but he sheds more hair in a day than I think I've grown in my entire life! In an effort to try and keep all this hair from covering my clothing in a thick layer, I've started folding clean clothes inside out. You'd think this might be effective, but NO! I tried to use a lint roller in an attempt to try and clean some of this stuff off of my clothes, but the lint roller merely mocked my attempts and laughed at me. He was not very nice so I threw him out the window.
And another thing. I've been trying to start eating better to, you know, maybe not be so fat and stuff. The problem is my mind has been bombarding me with things like
and
and the worst one?
That's right, funnel cake! Horrible fatty foods enticing me constantly. I curl into a ball and cry out "DEVIL JUNK FOOD! I CAST YOU OUT! I REBUKE YOU!"... But it doesn't work. I'm still fat and a I still love funnel cake with an unnatural intesnsity.
Kisses,
Farley
6-17-08 edition
First of all, the Hulk FREAKIN' RULED!!!! I had a feeling it was going to be good just with Ed Norton in the lead role. Yeah, I call him Ed cuz we're tight light that, yo. Yeah, we go way back. Now don't go asking him about it, because he'll act like he doesn't know me, but that what he does, he's an ACTOR. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I can't wait to get home tonight after the show! My girlfriend is going to be at the house, I've got pork chops marinating... Mmmmmmm.. Pork chops..
PLUS, I finally bought Volume Five of Family Guy, the greatest show in the history of history! I know it's been out for eons on DVD, but I haven't had the cash to get it until now. Actually, I really didn't have the cash, but I felt it was a reward since I had to clean the dreaded
LITTER BOX!!!!!!!! AAAIIIIGGGHHHH!!!!!
By the way, that damn pic of the "litter box" is actually a picture of a, and this is the God's honest truth, KITTY LITTER CAKE! What kind of culinary perversion is this? Why would you put such effort into something that makes you gag just looking at it? How hungry do you have to be, honestly, before you start thinking that a cake that looks like a litter box full of cat s$%* looks like a gourmet dessert? I'm nauseous now.. I have to go before I blast barf all over the studio....
6-24-08
Tonight I was checking my Yahoo! e-mail and I realized that I hadn't cleaned that thing out in a few years! I had numerous e-mails from ex girlfriends, all of which professed their love for me. These were relationships that were not healthy for me, to say the least. I won't get into the gory details, more drama than a non stop reel of daytime soaps, but I knew I needed to delete those e-mails out. Why had I let them sit there for so long? I delete all the spam I get, and ex's e-mails don't even measure up to the rapturous joy of reading through spam e-mails trying to sell me off brand Viagra. It was a cathartic move for me. I'm annoyingly happy with my girlfriend Amber. By annoyingly, I mean to everyone else. I'm quite fine with it, thanks. I'll post some more stuff later on. If you just got dumped and you're handling it like I used to (being a loser) and re-reading those e-mails he or she sent you. STOP! Do yourself a favor and cut through all that tedious self torture and just delete them. I think you'll breathe a bit easier and feel a s&*$load better after you banish them. 6-24-08
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Mmmmmmm.. Pork chops..